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I feel a familiar tickle

It grows stronger as days go by

It starts to hurt like I’m being ripped from the inside

I wake up in the middle of the night

Feels as if sweat is covering my inner thighs

I rush to the bathroom and with no surprise

I see blood leaking from inside of me

I begin to whimper

Not loud or dramatic

I don’t want to wake him

As I let two tears fall

My heart is like a cracked windshield

That spreads a little more each time

My chest aches as I wipe my blood and wonder why?

Why can’t I be like every other woman and have a child?

Where is my blessing?

Friends have told me over and over again to put faith in God

“Call on the almighty and he will give you what you desire “

Well I guess he stopped answering

Or maybe

He just stopped listening to the girl who can’t do the one thing a woman’s body is designed to do

How will my husband react?

He wants a family

How can I tell him the woman he chose is broken?

He won’t be able to look at me the same way

He will see my ugly truth

I must be God's mistake

Most people desire fortune and fame

All I want is to fill this gapping trench I have inside of me

To finally feel whole

To stop wondering why me?

I’ve prayed

Took every doctor’s advice

And still every month my heart breaks a little more

Like clockwork I allow two tears to fall

As I suffer in silence

I’m going through a tragedy in my own home

Happily married but still so alone

The worst part is

He doesn’t even know

He deserves a real woman

Someone who can bear him a child

Maybe I should give up

Run away in the night

Stop asking why

Just deal with this emptiness growing inside

-Rae B

From the book titled : Tales of a Broken Girl

To purchase your copy contact author on IG@rae.of.faith_93

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