I feel a familiar tickle
It grows stronger as days go by
It starts to hurt like I’m being ripped from the inside
I wake up in the middle of the night
Feels as if sweat is covering my inner thighs
I rush to the bathroom and with no surprise
I see blood leaking from inside of me
I begin to whimper
Not loud or dramatic
I don’t want to wake him
As I let two tears fall
My heart is like a cracked windshield
That spreads a little more each time
My chest aches as I wipe my blood and wonder why?
Why can’t I be like every other woman and have a child?
Where is my blessing?
Friends have told me over and over again to put faith in God
“Call on the almighty and he will give you what you desire “
Well I guess he stopped answering
He just stopped listening to the girl who can’t do the one thing a woman’s body is designed to do
How will my husband react?
He wants a family
How can I tell him the woman he chose is broken?
He won’t be able to look at me the same way
He will see my ugly truth
I must be God's mistake
Most people desire fortune and fame
All I want is to fill this gapping trench I have inside of me
To finally feel whole
To stop wondering why me?
Took every doctor’s advice
And still every month my heart breaks a little more
Like clockwork I allow two tears to fall
As I suffer in silence
I’m going through a tragedy in my own home
Happily married but still so alone
The worst part is
He doesn’t even know
He deserves a real woman
Someone who can bear him a child
Maybe I should give up
Run away in the night
Stop asking why
Just deal with this emptiness growing inside
From the book titled : Tales of a Broken Girl
To purchase your copy contact author on IG@rae.of.faith_93