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Did you know I loved you since I was 12?

My biggest secret now revealed

You had this darkness in you that called to me like a moth to a flame

A darkness that corrupted your mind but couldn’t reach your soul

I saw it then & I still see it now

You are Gods greatest design in my eyes

That smile makes me melt

Your laugh creates joy

Your scent is pure ecstasy

Being in your arms I feel safe

You’re my beautiful distraction

I try to stay away

Start an argument

I tell myself

“I can fight the urge to call”

“I’ll ignore his text “

“I’m strong enough to walk away “

But I always cave

It’s like you have a rope tied around my heart so every time I start to leave

You just pull me back in

Sad thing is you don’t even see what you’re doing to me

My captivating distraction

making my spirit happy but my heart ache

So why must I sabotage this connection ?

Maybe because it’s too soon

Maybe because I’m afraid

Maybe because I fear rejection

Or maybe because this is supposed to be the year of me   

The year I focus on self growth and accomplish goals

but every time I see your name come across my phone I feel excitement

when I see your face my body craves you instantly and I have to fight off the urge to kiss you , touch you ,

just to be present with you is such a gift

But I fear you don’t feel the same even though I shouldn’t fear anything

So now  my distraction is becoming my destruction

I fell for you

You can’t say the same

I yearn for you

I am only to blame

I did this to myself

Some days I wish I could forget you

I say

“I just want to stop loving him  “

I cast you to play the role of my destructive distraction

Breaking my heart little by little each day

For that I am to blame

You aren’t the villain in this story

I know loving you isn’t a mistake

You don’t need to love me back it’s ok

You need to love you or it will cause you excruciating pain one day

You can’t walk through life numb

Or afraid

I’m so sorry

My feelings just got in the way

Being selfish only thinking of me

You didn’t mean to cast this spell

It just happened

This destruction is my own

But everything comes to an end

I’ll always love you

Crave you

Think of you

Pray for you

From afar

The only soul tie I don’t regret will always be you

& Maybe Its me ,

Maybe I’m the true destructive force

With me gone you can focus on self love , healing & growth

Accomplishing all things

Finding peace

I just realized you weren’t the distraction baby ....

it was me


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